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  • Khyati Sharma

Fight a Conditioning Bias!

Who should read it?

If you are a female who second guesses herself. If you feel you are life will elevate only when you have love in your life. You feel underconfident about travelling alone, buying a property, being financially independent, and look for someone to depend on regularly.

I am a bi-product from a conditioning where women are over protected and often hear growing up that, ‘You can travel Europe alone when you are married!’ ‘You are doing great academically, but make sure you take care of that pimple!’ A result of such conditioning is women who overrate the importance and contribution of marriage in their lives. They begin to believe that a perfect live will begin post marriage. They often undermine what they can achieve on their own. I recently interviewed a few friends with similar conditioning and asked them to answer whether they think they can survive on their income, buy a car, go to vacations, raise a child, retire, if they were dateable, etc. 74% of them answered No and all of them were in middle management positions in good jobs. I asked them to re-take the same questionnaire as if they were their male colleague with same credentials and 100% of them answered Yes. It was shocking to see how they perceived the same money with a different confidence when they imagined themselves to be men.

Words, however, don’t bring the confidence over years of conditioning. It needs some execution and step by step wins. An example is invest in buying a car if a house is unaffordable. Write down what was the difference you felt between buying a car, phone, make up or dining at expensive places. Buying something durable gives the confidence of independence, which a phone or dining at expensive places may not. Consumables go away. A good next step will be to build something, trying an activity that your conditioning tells you is done by another gender.

My advice doesn’t come from a place of any feminism or anti-feminism or a hate on relationships. It just comes from a place of self-love first so that other relationships are more whole. The more you make yourself whole, the more you will approach a partner with security instead of the need to rely on them.

What to do:

1. In situations when you undermine yourself, consider what would say to a friend or your younger self.

2. If you have been brought up in gender biased environment, answer the question like a man. Some might hate my advice, but it will take some time to get rid of the bias and conditioning. It will take time before enough role models emerge for you to think differently.

3. Buy a durable instead of consumable and you will feel more independent financially. 20 big brand lipsticks is the same price as a 40 inch smart TV!

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